CHATTERBOX

Today is the beginning of Tui’s dream life. Snuggling in bed with her well-meaning pākeha (white) boyfriend, Edward. Who her vagina, Teke, calls a loser. Ignoring her chatterbox’s advice on food, clothing, but mostly love. Edward announces a surprise for her. Attempting to silence her incessant vagina, she goes to the waxing parlour. Teke fights back with an epic harmony battle. Tui, winning the sing-off, is interrupted by an awed Edward. After his ‘surprise’ date he offers a make-up ‘chat’ with her annoyed vagina. The sex is over before it begins. Conflicted, her mind wants to be with him but her vagina says otherwise. Declaring he is ‘now Māori’ because of her, Edward proposes with an ill- gotten and poorly woven flax ring. Tui realises Teke is right. Edward leaves, culturally appropriating as he goes, Tui is left crying. Alone she calls her friends over. Teke celebrates, giving Tui a ‘flap clap’ for finally listening